|Degrees Of Blondness|
A married couple is asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The blonde wife picks up the telephone, listens a moment and shouts, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hangs up. The husband says, "Who was that?' The wife says, "I don't know. Somebody asking if the coast is clear."
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it. The blonde screams, "Shut up, you're next!"
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.' A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?' The blonde says, "W."
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK, ma'am?' "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked, surveying the mess. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and ....' "Uh, ma'am," says the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener."
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered, and dropped to her steps with her face in her hands. "I can't believe this! I come home to find all my possessions stolen," she moans, "I call the police for help, and they send me a BLIND cop."
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
The redhead placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building,falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said,
"All is fair. Here is your money." The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
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