Performance Evaluations
These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation:
  • "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

  • "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

  • "I would not allow this employee to breed."

  • "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

  • He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

  • He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

  • This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

  • Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

  • He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

  • He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

  • I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

  • He's been working with glue too much."

  • He would argue with a signpost."

  • He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

  • He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

  • When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

  • A prime candidate for natural deselection."

  • Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

  • If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

  • It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

  • The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

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