Lawyer Jokes

A man was having trouble with his sexual life. His wife wasn't getting any pleasure when having normal sex with him. So they tried anal sex, and she liked it! She liked it so much they stopped having normal sex. He was really worried, because he didn't know if that was alright so he took her to the doctor.

The doctor told them that it was perfectly normal, but she should start worring about birth control. She replied " But doc, can I get pregnant having anal sex?"

The doctor replied, "Of course, where do you think lawyers come from?"

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:

"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.

"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?"

The minister replied "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but I said instead 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Tommy", replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant."

"What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.

Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.

It was getting rather crowded in heaven so St. Peter decided to be more careful about who he let into heaven.

A teacher came up to St. Peter and so he decided to ask her a question and if she got it right he would let her into heaven.

So he asks her, "What was the famous ship that sunk that they just made a hit movie about?"

The teacher quickly replied "The Titanic" and entered heaven.

The next person was a business man. So St. Peter asked him, "How many people died when the Titanic sunk?"

Luckily, the man had just seen the movie so he answered, "5,000." St. Peter let him into heaven.

A lawyer then walked up to St. Peter and he figured that he would easily get into heaven 'cause all the other questions were pretty easy.

St. Peter turned to the lawyer and said, "Name them."

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